Citing numerous productivity losses and noticing a distinct lack of sidewalk space, Mayor Bloomberg issued the following edicts:-- all pedestrians must have at least two of the following: water/coffee (any spillable liquid), cell phone or approved electronics, yoga mat, ethnic food item, dog(s) or baby carriage-- if unable, unwilling or simply uninterested in yoga, you must at least carry the purple mat or a note from a physician citing what the heck is wrong with you-- likewise coffee and water – walking police (WP’s) can not assume an enlarged prostate given your gender or age, you must carry documentation!-- baby or pet carriages: must have a ‘street’ value of at least $1500, an unpronounceable, vaguely Scandinavian name and be equipped with the requisite cup holders-- someone texting always has the right of way-- someone blue-toothing may or may not ‘be talking to you’ – Be Alert!-- those simply ‘going for a walk’ or ‘taking some air' will need a note from a licensed therapist.Speaking either to reporters or someone on the phone the mayor continued: "While we are extremely proud to host the New York City Marathon, we can not and will not condone a reckless and aimless use of our thoroughfares and sidewalks by a few meanderers."
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